how many times do I have to repeat this?

why am I always doing things that I wouldn't be appreciated for doing it and most of the times end up with blames, scoldings and sulks for the things that I didn't do..

is it so hard for you to thank people??

I didn't ask for a pay or what, I just needed a word of appreciation to comfort myself.

do u realize that I took all the trouble to go all the way to the particular venue to get things or do errands for you?

I hate the attitude that was shown to me, as if I'm obliged to do so, and it's my responsibility to do so when I'm just trying to be nice to help you out?

if you are thinking that why do I treat you that way..

well,ask yourself first..I treated you that way because you treated me the way you want people to treat you. so don't blame.

I'm getting tired,so please be nice.

THANK YOU!

I miss I miss I missss ....

I miss the old lifestyle i had few months ago..

I miss my gurls...the fabulous foursome havent been seeing each other for quite a while...

n it makes me miss them so much at this moment..

I miss dancing...my legs are gettin 'harder'...

really must make an effort to go back end of this month!!!!

I miss yum cha sessions with my usual kakis...coz my jamming sessions are far away from my usual hang out place...*sob sob*

I miss my gang's usual laughter and jokes and teasings...

I miss my dear fren who flew to the other side of the globe...i oni manage to get her on skype once aft she left the country for a few months...

hopefully the distance wouldnt bring our 13 yrs of friendship to an end...

I miss having fun in one particular class...'lips sealed'..no futher info to be reveal incase d issue becomes touchy... :-l

I miss I miss I miss

I MISS A WHOLE LOT OF 'THINGS' ~~~~~~

finals...

please please...

please come to an end real soon...

i want to feel myself again~~~ TOT

I lost myself for i dunno what reasons..

yea..i knw i knw...it's been ages since i've visited this page n do something to it..

coz...i've been lazy to keep this place alive...

so...welll....whatever...

im here now for a weird update...

recently...there are a few friends telling me dat im so not me lately..

dun get what i mean??

i mean..i have not been myself lately..

it actually started since 2010 is here..

dun ask me why..

im oso looking for dat answer..

ever since 2010 started,

i getting blurer n start loosing things like notebooks n stationeries..

n d worst of all..MY CAMERAAAA!!!

then later...

my mood swing ...

i can be very moody one second ago,then when i turn,

i can be as crazy as loud as i can..

i dunno what happen..but it's like im losing control of myself..

im starting to wonder...

could it be d dancing dat has change me from my usual routine n cause me changes dat i dun even realize?

i noticed dat ever since d new sem starts n d dancing practices starting to take my time n my 'mood',

i've been very unstable...

most of the time when im very unhappy over something,

dat something is usually related to dancing..

but whyyy??

i dun understand...

can anyone give me an answer what the ---- is wrong wiv me??

i cant stand this anymore...

it's nerve wrecking!!!

my goshhhh~~~~

when's d old me gonna return???

T_T >~<

Wish list

sudd i nd to do sooo many things..

but my car is currently in d workshop,due to some nasty issues which im so sien abt it..

n mum is not really keen on letting me drive d almighty Innova coz im shaky in dat huge baby..

ishhh...

then i shall bore my readers with my current wish list and also to-do list dat i have in mind for NOW.. ><

1. it HAS to be my beloved car to be back from workshop real soon...

2. develop certain photos for some personal reasons dat im not suppose to say..

3. BOOKS!!! especially Twilight,Photoshop for Dummies and Illustrator for Dummies

4. forgotten Christmas presents..(actually sis n i gave up on xmas shopping tis yr coz we might be MIA for a few celebrations)

5. sketches for dad

6. expenses list for dad

7. belated and birthday to-be presents (tis really drives me nuts!!!! )

8. 2.0 power hub

9. to finish up borrowed dvds

10. cny shopping

11. finish learning my pieces (tcher gonna be so disappointed if i slack off again.. T_T )

12. prepare for d xmas fellowship at home

13. bugging ppl to giv me answers on various issues

n errmmm..i think dat's all dat i can recall for now..

i better not open up my notebook coz i rmber dat list actually went for abt 3 pages.. @.@

aarrrggghhhh...as long as im car-less,it'll be equal to leg-less,which means couching at home..

>O< >O< >O< >O< >O<

Appreciate ^__^

2 solid days of quality time spent.
and now going back to the stressful routine again.

there's been tons of noises invading my ears..
but im really starting to miss these two days.
missing the people i get to spend time with,
missing the chaotic moments of fooling around,
missing the gossips n heart to heart talks.
missing every single bit of those precious moments.


met n 're-met' some really nice people,
people who really care for my friends,
giving me a feeling that my angels are all in good hands.

seeing the lovebirds getting along so well really makes me feel happy for all my dears.
looks like they've found the ones who really are meant for them.
it's just so lovely and warm to see those scenes. #^.^#


i was wondering..
when can i have this kind of great time again..
december?hopefully..
i really,truly heart these moments.
^___^

*feeling full and contented for having a great break*
^^

Friends for life..

MUUUAAACCCCCKKKKKSSSSSS...
^X^ ^X^ ^X^ ^X^ ^X^

been kinda emo these two days due to tons of issues lar...
but i really felt blessed coz my angels were here for me..

the spaces dat i needed,
the ears dat i needed,
the words dat i needed..
they've given me all..


a few special thank yous dedicated to -->

Ni nieeee,
thank you~~~
for calling me n listening to my babble..
for goofing around with me when we were doing recording.. ^__^
n i wanna apologize for not waiting for u to go get our cars,
coz i accompanied JieYing to go KL..
SOOWWRRRIIIEEEEE~~~~~

Biii,
thank you~~~
for keeping me company till 5++ in d morning.. ^^
for talking all the crap and made me laugh..

JieYing,
thank you~~~
for listening to my boring talks in the car..
for warning me to sleep early coz thr's exam tmr...
(heehee,i promise u,i'll sleep after this post XD)

KaiWen,
thank you~~~
for talking me through all the hassle and unleashing d unimportant worries...
for 'slapping' me on the face,telling me not to think too much..
u arr..jia you in arranging ya..
lazt day loooo..fast fast finish ya..
then we go gai gai n go pd to 'wet'.. =p


seriously...
FRIENDS ARE FOR LIFE...
i cant imagine my life without them..
heart my friends A LOT!!!
luv ya.
^_____^

Being nice to others sometimes means being cruel to yourself.

i rili dont knw if i hav made d right choice..
jz coz dat person asked(not beg,ask oni) n whine..
i change my mind..jz to suit dat person..
was i doin d right thing?
now im suffering..
havin a hard time tryin to find another solution,
which i actually dun hav to if i cekal hati on my stand..

is IT still thr?
d answer is NO..
coz i alr starting to hav counter-effect..
then??
wat was pulling me back?
i rili dunno..
now i hate myself for bein me..
n i dislike dat person alr..

uugghhhh...

dreadful way to end my day in uni

i seriously hav no idea y d guys wanna disturb my car 2day..
out of no reasons,
david dismantled my antenna n bent both my rear n back wiper..
one of my my rear wiper is broken alr..
then,
emma,eddy n david again..
ran through my car's interior when i press my alarm..
they moved almost everything dat's within..
shifting things fr d back seat 2d front seat n vice versa..
n whoever izit...i bet it's david as well..
pushed my side mirrors inwards until i cant even use it..

honestly..im DAMM PISSED OFF NOW!!!
y in d world u guys wanna do tis 2me?
wat the fuck r u all having in ur minds?
did i did sth bad like ruining ur lifes?or slap u on ur face?
i hate 2use rude words...
but cant u guys jz leave me alone..
i had enuff for a day...
n u guys still wanna make fun of me..
im freakin tired mann...

im so sorry 2say,
u ppl really has chosen d wrong day 2play a trick on me.

futhermore,
coz of d chaos u guys cause,
i actually 4got abt my laptop.
luckily nicole called n i manage to return 2uni 2retrieve it fr mr justin..


i reached home late..
n mum asked me y my wiper was spoilt out of d blue when i got home..
n i oni used one sentence 2answer her n she was in shocked..
'3 coursemates/senior/junior ransacked my car b4 i left d campus jz now'

A GREAT THANK YOU TO

EDDY LIM YOU CHENG
EMMANUEL SANTA MARIA CHIN
N
THE ONE N ONLY
DAVID CHIO TZE MENG

i really detest d attitude dat u guys showed 2me 2day..
i kept quiet doesnt mean i wont bite.
i do admit dat v can hav fun at times.
but...
childish acts dont make u look like heroes,but like kids,
pls behave like adults when u r suppose to..

Half-handicapped but i dun care!!! >.<

arrrrgggghhhh....why why why?!!??
alwiz choose d super duper right time to giv me trouble..

low mobility on my right hand..
BUT...i nd to
practice for recital,band,jury n other instruments,
take notes during class,
take meals,
drive...
so much to do...how to ignore them o..
i cant be bothered!!!
i'll jz do what i nd to do..
cacat baru fikir apa nak buat nanti~~

Praying hard again.
>.<

I hate to admit it,but yes i detest ur attitude

excuse me..
tmr's d day(2day actually)..n u r sms-ing me oni at 00:20 to ask d details?
u think v all so free to layan u arr?
summore spell my name wrongly..
in a very berry vegetable terrible spelling summore..

i actually regretted of replyin d msg aft i've sent it..
shldnt hav bothered..
n if u r gonna ask abt it...
i can jz say im asleep alr..
coz d fact is..
i usu sleep b4 12,
so happen dat u r darn lucky..
im still up until now..

yes..i knw...
u dislike wat u r assigned to..
but cant u jz get use to it,n try to work sth out btween us,
rather than acting like a small kid sulking coz sum1 screwed up ur stuff?
yeah rite...ppl been missin on n off,leaving d whole thing like a torn cloth..
so?
cant u jz try to compensate a lil n make life easier for d rest?
thr's marks given ok?
i dun wanna fail coz of sum 'dai xiu jie' attitude dat is helpless..
u wanna act childish at home,or infront of ur frens..
dat's ur problem..n i cant be bothered..
but pls..
u r in uni now..
pls respect others b4 requesting ppl to respect u..
v r not obliged to layan ur kiddo personality..
but since fate brought us 2gether..(bluek,i think it sounds a bit too nice)
can u jz adjust urself for once?


ya astaga...
u better jaga..
if u step my tail (translate to cantonese,pls),
u'll get it!
n i MEAN IT!!!

gettin lost and feeling helpless again..
tis time no one can help at all...
i have to do it by myself..

praying hard for the will power and wisdom,
so dat i can handle it in a proper way dat wldnt cause anything to anyone..



p/s: - gonna spend time wiv my dear again tis thurs,yay!!!
- going to a sleepover camp wiv my 'darl leng' tis weekend,cant wait!!

hopefully these 2 events will help me to cope wiv my issues.. ^^

Sem Break is here..

2 weeks of hols started 4 days ago..
i hav no mood or wat so ever to do anything at all..
coz..
i injured my foot again..
betul betul no mood to do anything at all..
coz tis time..cant even drive around or go anywhr but sit at home n rot.. T_T
(cant rili play piano as well,coz cant press pedal..)
who's fault?
my own lor..for being clumsy..
or like wat sakai karen said- lun zhun,dai tao ha..

well..good thing i fell actually.. XD
it givs me time to rili stop and think tru all d things dat happened..
been thinking n scolding virtual characters a lot tis few days..
(d definition of virtual characters here is people who actually do exist,but they arent infront of me at all.yeap...im insane for doing so..but pls bear wiv a person who is growing mushrooms on her head at home currently XD)

sem break is here finally..
d holidays dat i've been longing since d 2nd wk of my 3rd sem...
dun ask y..ppl who understand will understand.. XD
but i jz found out dat i hav more things to do during sem break..
AARRGGHH...
jury 2 songs to prepare..
song selection for nx sem's band to prepare..
(i dun wanna b like tis sem, coz v hav no idea wat our lovely lecturers have prepared 4us,so v cant do any early preparation..but now since v knw dat they r going 2stick 2d current policy,i better prepare sth.. XD)

yeah..i knw..2 things oni mar..
but u think jury 2 so easy ar..
i nd to learn 2do things myself alr..
so tcher prepare all 4 songs for me n ask me 2think of d arrangement and solos of d songs myself....
but now..
i memang no mood..
it's hols..
i wanna relax.. >.<
but yet i nd to buck up soon..
i wanna impress my tcher.. XD

going tit da again later...(rili hoping 4 good news..)
so cant go for senior's grad,coz mum dun allow me 2drive..
GOOD LUCK!!! ALL THE BEST!!!
n CONGRATS!

my Bao Bei,
thanks so much for d call n d entertainment u gave me ^_^
i'll get well soon n v go gai gai b4 my new sem starts ok?
aaanndd..

im waiting for u to come in n c me sakai.. XP
then i bring u all around d place n v make emily envy.. XD
luv ya! ^x^


Hwei,
pls dun scold me for being clumsy again..
u knw me lar..
alwiz here bruise thr bruise..
xi guan jiu hao.. XP
enjoy ur life in aussie land, while i grow mushrooms here..
will try to send over some fresh ones if i can.. XD
luv ya too!! ^x^

I can call it A day... XD

2day's band class was so fun!!!!!
tis is d 2nd time i've found band class amusing!!! XD
n it was so much better than d previous time!!!!!!
cant wait for fri.....haha...



yea,i know..
i was sakai when i saw d comments..
i jumped and shouted yay..
n ching tot i was insane..
coz i went 'cuckoo' twice 2day..
n she say she nvr knew abt tis side of me...
XD

well...
my dear fren,
beware then...
tis IS d real me..
things been diff for d past few months...
i was shut in a box for dat period..
now..im releasing bit by bit..
i know thr'll be more..
but hopefully i'll be able to conduct self-control..
if not..
habis...

XD


ciaozz... ^_^

An advice given and taken into heart

A fren told me sth dat is so right:
'The reason why you are being so worried is because you know what would come,
and you do not wish to see her in the condition that you've once gone through.
But at the same time,protecting her isn't helping her at all.
You have to let her fall and learn her lesson the hard way if she is not appreciating what you've done to her.
You learnt your lesson when you fell down,why don't you ask the question to yourself,
was there anyone to protect you when you were about to fall?
The answer is NO, and that is why you've become what you are now.
So,let her find her way herself. She'll get it someday.'

tis fren was being so straightforward(not to say she is rude,coz dat's her character)...
but it is very true..

yet, i have my weaknesses..
i cant bear to see the sadness in her face again..
i cant bear to leave my fren alone..

y m i alwiz tied up wiv other ppl's issues?


it did took me sometime to learn to do things d way how d advice was 'shown'..
so from now on..
im goin to try my best to let it be..
She have to learn..
maybe not in my way,
but in her way..

Thanks dear,
for listening to my craps,
for helping me to de-stress,
for standing by my side at some point,(in my opinion,u did)
AND...
for helping me tru tis huge mess!!


and for another fren,
Take Care!
i think i've sort of ended my journey wiv u for now..
Be happy in your life!
i wish u best of luck!


p/s: if u happen to knw who m i writing to,pls keep dat to urself or ask me personally,
i would like to keep both mine n their privacy protected..Thanks! ^_^

Emotions release & a token of appreciation

i do not know wat has gotten into me..
i broke down twice tis week..

it was jz a crappy conversation with my sis...
but i have no idea dat..
after a few sentences..
i actually broke down...
right infront of my stressful sis..

sorry my dear!!
i din mean to make u in tears as well..
but u r right..
i've been far far away fr God for a very long time..
i've been keeping too much things to myself..
i've been making those dat love me worried..
i've been trying to be heroin,but end up i got hurt..

thank you so much for spending time with me eventhough u hav TONS of maths to do..
i love u my dear!!
n i alwiz will!!
^x^ ^x^ ^x^ ^x^ ^x^ ^x^ ^x^

1st day of 2009...

010109 is gonna end pretty soon..
supposedly i shld do a wrap up for 2008 jz like any1 else does..
but im jz so lazy to do so..
so..jz wanna make myself comfortable here..
im gonna scribble sth b4 d 1st day of 2009 ends..

2007 is a year whr i grow a lot in terms of handling relationships n spiritual life..
2008...well.. is a year dat reminds me so much of my olden days,
n oso a year dat teaches me to treasure wat i used to hav n wat i hav now..

well..
tis is jz a short wrap up of wat i've been experiencing in 2008..
hopefully..
i'll hav time to do a longer one..
but i doubt it..
coz..
tmr im gonna hav my 1st class of d 1st sem of d yr at 9am.. T_T
pathetic huh..
i wonder y my uni starts on d 2nd..
majority uni n colleges start on d 5th 2gether wiv kindergartens,primary n secondary schools..

hmm...
actually..
i cant wait for d busy semester to come..
i hav so much things dat im looking forward to..
(including d nerve wrecking competition events dat falls on d 10th tis month n 15th of feb) XD

Year 2009,
HERE I COME!!!!!

S-O-W-R-I-E-E-E

Dear Y__ ___n,

im so so sorry for all the trouble i've given to u..
pls forgive me...
things have not been going well for me d previous week,
n i doubt dat things will get better until d yr ends..
i din knw all d wedding within the weeks would drive me crazy..
all the travelling,planning n taking care of ppl who will be coming to my hse..
it has n will still be seriously stressing me out...

i appologize for putting u into the whole mess..
i din mean to disappoint u!!! im serious!!!

Im SO SORRY!!!
pls dun be angry!!! >.<

u can scold me n say names n curse me..
i knw i was doing wrong in d 1st place..
it's hard for u to 4give me..
coz i gave u promises b4 i broke all of them aft u had the joy..


i jz wanna say..
I'M REALLY SORRY!!!

Breakdown of the mind

Why am I feeling so absurd now?
Why am I feeling so lost?
So unattached to the current conditions?
Not belonging to the whole scene..
Am I reading too much of the books?
Have those books given me too much of illusion n has cause my mind to go berserk?
Or am I just ‘homesick’?

Nothing seems to make any sense this instance…
I cant even put the thoughts away when I was on the piano..
It did give me the inspiration for a new sets of chord progression n some random tunes..
But why my stuff sounded weird?
And why is he always in my mind when I’m off with my own ‘creation’?
He was the inspiration for the first one..
I have nothing to blame on that
But how come he appeared again in my mind when I was working on the second one?
I thought the inspiration comes from the book?
Why does the new tune remind me of him?
What makes him visible in that?
Can’t he just get out of my mind when I’m trying on something new?
He does’nt always has to be the inspiration..
But how come he is always there?
Why? what happen?
I seriously need to know the answers, but how?

I must wake up by now..
I have more important issues waiting for me to get my hands on…
I do not want to ruin my day again..

Maybe I should stop reading..
It’s the last book..
If I were to finish it, the suspense will be answered..
Then my mind would’nt have to imagine more things..
But..again..
It’s the last book..
I could just wait until my mind is clear enough to differentiate that those are just scenes and thoughts from the character inside the book..
Then my mind would’nt be overstressed by the contents..
And I would not have the current problem that I have to face and overcome...

L-O-S-T but not found yet
>.<

I F-A-I-L-E-D

i failed both my mbe n psych..
T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T

although both subjects r in bad shape..
but actually i was more concern abt my mbe marks...
i hav no idea wat kind of lectures my parents will giv me when they knw abt it..
but im sure they will make me feel extra extra guilty... =(

y did i fail tis time?
i seriously nd to think tru...


so sad now..
T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T

S-I-C-K again

arrrggghh...
y do i hav to get sick when im busy wiv stuff!!!!

thr'll be 3 bday celebrations fr 8th-11th..
one on 8th,then 9th then 11th..
how m i going to get well by 2day??
i dun 1 2 spread d germs ard lar..

oh dear oh dear..
better pray i'll be better soon enuff...
i dun wanna spend my holidays in bed..
or get into another accident ( ppl who knw,they know wat happened.. XD )