I lost myself for i dunno what reasons..

yea..i knw i knw...it's been ages since i've visited this page n do something to it..

coz...i've been lazy to keep this place alive...

so...welll....whatever...

im here now for a weird update...

recently...there are a few friends telling me dat im so not me lately..

dun get what i mean??

i mean..i have not been myself lately..

it actually started since 2010 is here..

dun ask me why..

im oso looking for dat answer..

ever since 2010 started,

i getting blurer n start loosing things like notebooks n stationeries..

n d worst of all..MY CAMERAAAA!!!

then later...

my mood swing ...

i can be very moody one second ago,then when i turn,

i can be as crazy as loud as i can..

i dunno what happen..but it's like im losing control of myself..

im starting to wonder...

could it be d dancing dat has change me from my usual routine n cause me changes dat i dun even realize?

i noticed dat ever since d new sem starts n d dancing practices starting to take my time n my 'mood',

i've been very unstable...

most of the time when im very unhappy over something,

dat something is usually related to dancing..

but whyyy??

i dun understand...

can anyone give me an answer what the ---- is wrong wiv me??

i cant stand this anymore...

it's nerve wrecking!!!

my goshhhh~~~~

when's d old me gonna return???

T_T >~<

Wish list

sudd i nd to do sooo many things..

but my car is currently in d workshop,due to some nasty issues which im so sien abt it..

n mum is not really keen on letting me drive d almighty Innova coz im shaky in dat huge baby..

ishhh...

then i shall bore my readers with my current wish list and also to-do list dat i have in mind for NOW.. ><

1. it HAS to be my beloved car to be back from workshop real soon...

2. develop certain photos for some personal reasons dat im not suppose to say..

3. BOOKS!!! especially Twilight,Photoshop for Dummies and Illustrator for Dummies

4. forgotten Christmas presents..(actually sis n i gave up on xmas shopping tis yr coz we might be MIA for a few celebrations)

5. sketches for dad

6. expenses list for dad

7. belated and birthday to-be presents (tis really drives me nuts!!!! )

8. 2.0 power hub

9. to finish up borrowed dvds

10. cny shopping

11. finish learning my pieces (tcher gonna be so disappointed if i slack off again.. T_T )

12. prepare for d xmas fellowship at home

13. bugging ppl to giv me answers on various issues

n errmmm..i think dat's all dat i can recall for now..

i better not open up my notebook coz i rmber dat list actually went for abt 3 pages.. @.@

aarrrggghhhh...as long as im car-less,it'll be equal to leg-less,which means couching at home..

>O< >O< >O< >O< >O<

i was wondering..

dat nite aft choir concert..
Catherine told me something when i was standing there waiting for role call...
she said: 'u look better without ur glasses and when u smile more.'
i was like: huh??really?!!

hmm...off wiv my glasses huh..
dat wld be a good suggestion,but i dun think it'll happen in a few years time..
smile more..
hmmmmmm...
m i dat sad looking or fierce or whatever dat was in her mind dat time??


knw wat..
maybe i really shld take her suggestion seriously..
shld i??

A question for myself

Did I really gained weight lately?
y r thr ppl constantly telling me dat i grew fatter edi?

1st,it was my mum who sudd pops out n say..
i have a 'tummy' (in canto,tou lam)
i was like..huh??!!
how did dat happened?

then 2day in uni..
my coursemate/senior whom i actually knw her b4 i came to uni during form 4 note dat i grew 'meaty' on my arms..
HUH???!!!

later on..
my another coursemate/senior oso mention dat i have 'tummy' edi..
n asked me how did i gained weight..
HHHUUUHHHH??!!!


how did this happened?
i seriously have no idea..

why why why??

is this suppose to be sth good or bad?
i dunno..

Physical breakdown

lately,my body is sending me weird signals dat i do not knw how to react..
end up..
i had high fever on sun..
my body was like burning wiv fire..
n i was dizzy,been sleeping for one whole day...

it was nerve-wracking for my mummy n dear darling,
coz they checked for symptoms of AH1N1 on9 n found out dat i met most of d criteria except having flu..
mummy was so worried dat she had to bring me to d hospital to c a doctor aft dinner...
in d end,their worries were cleared..
it's jz normal fever plus sore throat..
thank God!!!
i rili tot it was either AH1N1 or dengue fever at 1st.. >.<
thanks you for ur prayers..
n i apologize if my dear darling's msg freaked u out at 1st..
onece again,thanks guys!

on d way 2d hospital,
mummy gav a long lecture of how worried is she..
n how much she loved me..
im d child dat alwiz worries her coz i memang muka tebal..
she scold oso sumtimes i cant be bothered..
dat's y she very 'gek sum'..


yes mummy,
i'll take good care of myself!!!
having to be sleepy d whole day wiv a super high temperature body is not sth dat i want often..
plus..u knw i hate western medication..
I'll Really Take Good Care of Myself,
I PROMISE..

mummy n dear darling,
luv ya..
muackss
^x^ ^x^

A week of Red Bean Tong Sui

yes,yvonne dear..
u do knw abt tis alr..
(no nd to 'surprisingly,she din tell me' lar..i told u in msn jz now.. XD)

tis week itself,
i drank 3 kinds of red bean tong sui alr..
2 on mon,1 on 2day..

1st one was karen's..
she stayed up till 2am to boil tis so dat d nx morning she hav sth 4breakfast..
when i 1st reach her place in d aftnoon,
d 1st thing she do was get in2 d kitchen 2heat up d tong sui,
coz she say mz let me try.. XD
honestly,i oni drank a few scoops coz i was full fr my cheesy spagetti lunch..
it was quite nice..not too sweet..
well..sweeter than d ones dat i usu drink at home,
coz my family arent a fan of sweet stuff..
but kinda watery..

2nd one was jie ying's..
aft i left karen's place in d evening,i went over 2hueyuen's place 2study 4history wiv d rest..
when jieying came aft i've reached,
she took a bowl of her red bean tong sui out n ask yvonne n i 2try..
i drank ard 60-70% of d bowl coz yvonne said she was full.
jieying's was sweeter n thicker than karen's coz she put in more sugar n uses a slow cooker 2boil it.
so d texture is thicker n 'gluey'..
n she added extras..
which is sago..
very nice!!!

laz but not least..
d one i drank at home 2day..
my maid boiled it..
d sweetness is as usual in d house..(meaning not sweet lar)
texture similar 2karen's coz both oso use normal pot n boil in stove..
but not as watery as karen's coz longer duration..
karen oni took 4 hrs,i think my maid took 5 hrs ++

as a conclusion..
i like jieying's..
not bcoz of d sago or d sweetness..(yes,i admit dat i hv sum kind of sweet tooth on certain food)
but coz i like d 'gluey' n thick texture dat was cause by d slow cooking of d slow cooker(DUH~~!)
for sweetness wise,
i prefer karen's..
not too sweet or too plain 4me..^^


hopefully i wldnt come across another bowl of red bean tong sui within d nx coming wk..
but i think i wanna go try red bean ice cream if i get 2see it when i go 4movies wiv my dear darling tmr..
^_^

Back,with tiredness but enjoyment as well..

aft a 2d1n sleepover in Gopeng..
im finally home sweet home abt half n hr ago..
it's a very very short trip,
but im glad dat i went,
coz it's like a break for me..
a getaway for me aft my stressful sem...
it was a very very enjoyable short trip..
i've gained so much fr d trip..
tis trip has seriously reminds me of how great is God's love..

tho d age gap between d brothers n sisters in Christ dat went were kinda big..
but still..i realized,deep down in their hearts,they r jz as young as i am now,or maybe even younger..XD
(melissa,if u happen to see tis,i wanna say sorry!!! u rili arent dat old!!! ^^)
i enjoyed d sharing sessions a lot!!!
tho my grp is quite d quiet type, n needed a lot of encouragement b4 v r rili ready 2share our thoughts..
but still im rili grateful n thankful for all d sharing n prayers..^^
n for games...su-ann n melissa,u guys did a great job planning them!!
it's not too vigorous,but it's fun..
btw,sorry kok choong!! for hiding ur marbles until u cant even find it..
now im crossing my fingers hard hoping d 3 adorable puppies wldnt find it n swallow them by accident..
when's ur bday?v buy back d marbles for u??XD
thanks kylie!!! for teaching me to play Taboo..
n of course,thanks to my entertaining driver,Joanna!!!
sitting in ur car is nvr boring..^_^

i dont hav any photos yet,coz..
i actually brought my camera,but no battery..
so currently im waiting for kylie,su-ann n eng chin to uplaod d photos in FB,
n i'll go steal sum.. ^^

Thank you so much, Jee Leng!!!
for asking me to go..
tho thr's quite a gap between us n d rest,
but i still had fun playing games n sharing wiv them..
n thanks so much for listening me crapping abt my current condition..
v rili been loosing touch for quite some time..
n i rili appreciate d company...
seriously...i shld hav told u abt dat much earlier..
then u wld teach me d proper way to handle things.. XD
but aiya..wateva lar..u knw now..
so ok ady?
bug me more if u still wanna knw wat will happen nx ler..
im oso waiting for it now.. XP

tmr going back to d usual routine..
assignments,practices,blah blah blah..
feel like falling sick now..
nose is gettin itchy..
ouch...history supp paper is on tues..
better be off now..
^_^

I'm amazed.. XD

finally..
daddy joined in d fun..
he is now in FB!!! XD
now my whole family(minus my bro,coz he's too young) is in d FB network..
i cant belif dat tis day actually happened..haha..

at least now...
both my parents arent dat blur on internet stuff..XP
my mummy did my quizzes,but oni scored on d 3rd one..
daddy can upload his photos asap n let us view,
rather than having to wait until he returns..
(awesome work,daddy... ^_^)
n they r so updated wiv their daugthers' status,
dat sumtimes i dun dare to put in too many things.. XP

i shall now wait n c how my parents utilize FB to d max of their 'capability'
XD

gettin lost and feeling helpless again..
tis time no one can help at all...
i have to do it by myself..

praying hard for the will power and wisdom,
so dat i can handle it in a proper way dat wldnt cause anything to anyone..



p/s: - gonna spend time wiv my dear again tis thurs,yay!!!
- going to a sleepover camp wiv my 'darl leng' tis weekend,cant wait!!

hopefully these 2 events will help me to cope wiv my issues.. ^^

1st day of my sem 4..

haiz....start new sem ler..
very sien lar..
coz JURY 2 is coming!!!!!
very scare if i fail,then cham lerr...


very surprised dat oni on d 1st day..
i settled my timetable alr..
v can c dat students n lecturers r so efficient..
but d sch management..
haiz....got so fed up alr..

back 2my timetable..
as usual..wed has d longest stretch of classes..
fr 10-7,of course wiv breaks.. XD
again...wed is busiest..
while thurs oni one class..
hmm..still thinking if i shld put another minor on thurs instead if wed,
then i wont felt so useless jz coming for 1 class on thurs..

wanna complain lagi...
why is my results not out yet!!!
im crossing my fingers hoping my band n hist wld pass..
ANNDDD...
y d band list still not out yet..
make ppl super nervous lar..
nd 2wait till fri summore..

new sem is here..
new plans are set..
new goals to achieve..

wow...tis is tough mann...
Praying hard dat i could do it.
Amen.

Outing with family on Labour Day

super lazy 2update..but i think i still nd 2keep tis place alive.. XD
so i took a day rest then oni im willing 2do tis posting..

at last..all of us hav a common holiday dat allows us to hav quality time wiv each other..^^
at 1st, v alr planned 4a movie outing in d aftnoon..
then bro wanted 2go 2some nature places..
so v decided 2pay a visit 2d Bird Park..
detailed info r not crucial..
so i'll jz put in sum photos.XP









aft leaving bird park,v went megamall..
bro n mum went to watch d wat so ever Wolverine movie..
while me n sis went jalan-jalan..

didnt rili take d initiative 1shop for anything..
but i found sth dat i like..
i've been looking for ballet flats for a long time,
but i nvr come across 2any dat i like n dat is suitable for my flat feet..

i so happen to see tis when i was randomly scanning tru d shoes in Esarli(i think tis is d spelling,dun rili rmber tho XD )
n i fell in love wiv it..
tis is kinda distinct fr d usual style dat i put on..
my mum say i look too 'si man' in tis..
still..i hav a lil trouble when i wear it..
but i love it!!!


dat's all for now..

uni is starting on mon..
tis time..
i do not hav any special feelings..
whether is excitement or anxiousness..
i felt nth..
i dun rili feel like i cant wait 4d new sem 2start,
but at d same time,i did not feel any fear either..
but i do miss seeing n spending time wiv 'the gang' XD
cant wait 2c them..^x^

i wonder wat's going wiv me..
im feeling nth at all...
oh no...is dat bad??

Last 'wrapping' for tis round

Went to tit da again 2day..
for d last round of palpation n chinese medicine wrap on my foot..

had a long session of 'foot massage'..
well..i rather call it d torture session..

d singse pulled n rubbed n pressed my foot rili hard..
i nearly screamed...
d pain was kinda hard 2endure when he treated d particular part of my foot..
aft 15 mins of misery,he finally stopped n went 2get d medicine n bandages..
as he was wrapping,he said i can take it off aft a few days..
n if it doesnt hurt anymore,dun mind going back 2look 4him..
i was like "Thank You God,Amen!"
finally..im over it..
but at d same time..
darn it..d sem break is over as well..

hmm...expected...2spend my break at home.. XD
i rili gotta b careful n get more exercise...
then i wont get hurt easily.. XP


one last shot of d memorable incident:
phew...aft 2 to 3 days,i can remove d bandage forever XD
(well,at least for tis round,hopefully thr wont be a nx time 2come >.< )

planning for a movie outing wiv family tis fri..
yay!! ^_^

update of current status XD

i think most of my blog readers knw dat..
im currently 'wounded'
im staying at home rotting..
coz i cant rili drive or play piano..
but still..it din stop me fr having some changes...

i got my new glasses few days b4 d semester ends..
(btw,in my calendar,d laz day of tis sem is d MBE concert)
but i did not wear it to uni coz i had trouble adapting to it..
i felt dizzy when i put it on at 1st,
so..i did not wear it during finals..

secondly..
i got a haircut 2day or shld i say ystrday..(mind u,it's alr 1am.. LOL)
ching,i rili din mean to be a copycat..
i hav no idea dat my definition of 'shorter fringe' towards d hairdresser means like tis..
it's not d same as urs..but fr far..it looks kinda similar..
well...anywayz...
im satisfied wiv d haircut coz d weather is devastating coz my thick hair is bothering me too much...
i felt so light aft having d haircut..
but at d same time..
it makes me feel childish coz of d fringe..
when i hav short fringe,my parents n my siblings will hav diff opinions..
my parents wld say i looked younger n sweeter
(ewwww...it's a compliment,but i think d word 'sweet' doesnt suit me)
my siblings wld say i looked childish..
weird family huh..

hmm...
i think dat's all d crap dat i wanna share...
sorry for being perasan..XD
btw,Yvonne!!!
i found sth very cool!!
i like tis emo look!!
check tis out: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1594937865#/photo.php?pid=2092462&id=39037210652


i think i shld post a photo of my current look,
pls bear wiv it..
sorry!

Sem Break is here..

2 weeks of hols started 4 days ago..
i hav no mood or wat so ever to do anything at all..
coz..
i injured my foot again..
betul betul no mood to do anything at all..
coz tis time..cant even drive around or go anywhr but sit at home n rot.. T_T
(cant rili play piano as well,coz cant press pedal..)
who's fault?
my own lor..for being clumsy..
or like wat sakai karen said- lun zhun,dai tao ha..

well..good thing i fell actually.. XD
it givs me time to rili stop and think tru all d things dat happened..
been thinking n scolding virtual characters a lot tis few days..
(d definition of virtual characters here is people who actually do exist,but they arent infront of me at all.yeap...im insane for doing so..but pls bear wiv a person who is growing mushrooms on her head at home currently XD)

sem break is here finally..
d holidays dat i've been longing since d 2nd wk of my 3rd sem...
dun ask y..ppl who understand will understand.. XD
but i jz found out dat i hav more things to do during sem break..
AARRGGHH...
jury 2 songs to prepare..
song selection for nx sem's band to prepare..
(i dun wanna b like tis sem, coz v hav no idea wat our lovely lecturers have prepared 4us,so v cant do any early preparation..but now since v knw dat they r going 2stick 2d current policy,i better prepare sth.. XD)

yeah..i knw..2 things oni mar..
but u think jury 2 so easy ar..
i nd to learn 2do things myself alr..
so tcher prepare all 4 songs for me n ask me 2think of d arrangement and solos of d songs myself....
but now..
i memang no mood..
it's hols..
i wanna relax.. >.<
but yet i nd to buck up soon..
i wanna impress my tcher.. XD

going tit da again later...(rili hoping 4 good news..)
so cant go for senior's grad,coz mum dun allow me 2drive..
GOOD LUCK!!! ALL THE BEST!!!
n CONGRATS!

my Bao Bei,
thanks so much for d call n d entertainment u gave me ^_^
i'll get well soon n v go gai gai b4 my new sem starts ok?
aaanndd..

im waiting for u to come in n c me sakai.. XP
then i bring u all around d place n v make emily envy.. XD
luv ya! ^x^


Hwei,
pls dun scold me for being clumsy again..
u knw me lar..
alwiz here bruise thr bruise..
xi guan jiu hao.. XP
enjoy ur life in aussie land, while i grow mushrooms here..
will try to send over some fresh ones if i can.. XD
luv ya too!! ^x^

d sem ends like tis..

end of d sem..
again..
i twisted my foot,
tis time..is d right one..

haiz...
y m i so blur one..

anywayz..
MBE concert was awesome!!!
except for one song,which i actually had high expectations on it..
but tis person..
alwiz let me down in various aspects..
haiz..
hopeless person..
i dun hate u,but sometimes i dun agree wiv ur way of thinking,dat's all..
pls grow up..
physically u r older than me..
but mentally..
i think u r quite immature sometimes..
pls take full responsibility of wat u r doing!

back to d concert...
tis time again..
im not performing.. T_T
(i dun care!!!
nx sem, MBE concert is my ultimate goal..
hopefully nx sem will be my laz sem in jr band,
n i hav sth to rmber of XD)
but i was d crew..
given a job dat actually matches my personality..
being bossy.. XD
my job was to make sure d performers r away fr their comfortable seats n off 2d backstage when it's nearly their turn..
i din knw i was meant 4 tis job until Juan saw how i urge d ppl to leave d hall..
he was like : 'Good, good..tis is how it shld be done! make them go.. dun be nice..'
haha... XD
is tis fate?? -_-"

but sadly,
i fell fr d stairs when i was d crew..
so i went home wiv a twisted ankle,
driving in pain during d journey home..

well...d concert ended with a blasting news..
d main amp was blown off when victor's band sang 'Bodies'
a heavy metal song..
i think d amp was used to d max tru out d concert..
coz v had quite a number of big bands and metal songs..
it's actually a miracle that it cld laz until d encore song XD

hoping that they cld get it fixed by tmr for another concert..
crossing my fingers, praying rili hard dat tmr i can go..
hopefully i wldnt hear much bad news when i go for tit da tmr.. >.<

I nd 2clear sth off fr my mind.
im getting lost wiv u,
hopefully d hols wd giv me sufficient time 2think tru..
in my opinion,
i think things r gettin a lil too far 4 me n u.
if i cant find d solution,
i oni hav 2 options,
one is 2 let time decide,
n another 1 is bring us back 2whr v 1st started.
Praying for guidance again.
Amen.

Random (yes..again)

cant belif dat she still hav d energy and semangat to blog now..XD
betul betul beh tahan her lar...hahaha
not much to say coz my mind is kinda blank now..

finished my improv recording... *clap clap*
coz for a kepoh person to finish d recording in a room dat includes 2 other girls chit chatting is a very hard task to complete.. LOL

now writing out chords for my song writing final project..
nd to transpose d key coz i cant reach too high...
yeah..i knw i shldnt be singing..
but i cant find a suitable singer in such a short period of time..
so...alang alang lar..
or like wat yvonne say..lantak aje ler...
cant be bothered!
cant wait for d wk 2 end...
it's jz so hectic n suffocating!!!!!!!!!!
AARRRGGGHHHH

For all my fellow mates who r having jury tis wk onwards,
GOOD LUCK!!!

Friend

' A true friend will respect who you are,they won't expect you to change to a different person to please them.'

I went across tis phrase when i was reading the blog of one of my junior.
I like the definition of tis phrase a lot!
it makes people think dat they are special in the eyes of the ones dat love them.

not to say true frens wont make u change,
but even if they ask u to change is because they think thr r some flaws dat u can improve in to make ur life better.. ^^

yea..i know...
my dears!!! thank you so much for helping tru-out my life until now..
i may not hav only one fren who 'stick' wiv me fr d day i hav memories till now..
but i do hav frens fr diff stages who gave me help fr diff aspects..
i will heart you all alwiz!!! ^x^

i'm so into quotes lately... XD
dun ask me why..i dunno..
but these kind of lil phrases do lighten my day sometimes.
^_^

Trust

'You can trust nobody but yourself,sometimes not even your family or bestie or mate would be the someone that you could rely on.'

This is the statement that was made TWICE by a fren.

When she mention this to me for d 1st time,
i was kinda shock dat tis actually came out fr her.
coz her condition was so much better than i was at dat time.

she mention dat im kinda naive sometimes..
n i shldnt simply place my trust on anyone,
not even my closest soulmate,which is my sis..
it made me wonder how many times of betrayal she've gone tru to make her say tis...

for d 2nd time,
she actually gave dat as an advice to me...
coz she knew i had trouble with human relationships all d time..
i asked her a question...
wont dat be hard?
u hav to keep all d things to urself?
i tot dat wat's frens are for?
to share ur joy and to lighten ur burden?
she did not gave me a satisfying answer but a quick reply dat could keep me thinking until any trouble occur.
u will come to a point whr u think keeping things to urself is better than sharing d weight.

i was thinking...
shld i be discussing tis? m i qualified to talk abt tis?
coz i know very well dat..
im not suppose to say tis coz im d one dat hav a HUGE mouth dat ppl hates.
for me..i alwiz think dat 'Sharing is Caring'
not to say sharing to the world,but within the bunch..
but for now..
i think 'Keeping Quiet' would be d best advice for me..

maybe i really shld consider abt my problematic personality and attitude issues seriously now..
i do know dat her words has nth to do towards me..
but...well..
i guess tis is d alarm dat the Lord is giving me...

For all my dears,(yes each and everyone of you!!!)

no matter what happens,i'll still place my trust on you.

please dont let me down.

^X^

Dear Lord,My Heavenly Father,
Please guide me,lead me to the correct path.
I pray for Your forgiveness and guidance in life.
Amen.

Quotes

I found this from an email..


' To handle yourself, use your head...

To handle others, use your heart... '


I love this phrase a lot..
it means so much to me..

Yay!! XD

Got myself a tube(tak tau apa penjodoh bilangan can use,jz simply think of 1) of concealer at last!!!

wanted to buy for a long time since last yr when my cousin urge me to buy it in sg laz yr april..
coz of d currency diff...i din actually buy it at dat time..
so i tell myself,i muz get one when im in kl..
but i alwiz cant find d correct 'kaki' to go to this kind of places to buy,
so..drag until 2day..


2day,i went to MPO wiv Angel,Amy,Karen n Yvoon to watch piano concerto..
b4 lunch..
i actually walked into Guardian and wanted to buy d concealer which cost abt 50++
when i was abt to pay in d cashier,
Amy sudd pulled me back and ask me to go Sasa to buy aft v finished d concert..
so i'm like..
okay,i follow wat d pro says.. XD

so aft d concert,v went Sasa aft teman-ing Yvoon hav her dinner (teman teman sampai v oso went to buy food.. XD)
so ngam,Sasa is having anniversary sales..
so i actually got my concealer is a much cheaper price compared to Guardian..
which is oni RM38.xx(tis is aft 20% discount,but even if no discount,still cheaper!!)


i cant imagine myself buying tis stuff now..
coz laz time i dun really like to put on make up..
yes..i do agree dat i alwiz hav make up on my face laz time whenever i hav dance performances,
but those r d times whr i dont hav my glasses on..

for now,aft i left sch and no longer got involve in tis performance field,
i do not think it's crucial to put on make up when i go out eventhough my cousin hav been nagging abt it..
coz in my opinion,
im wearing specs and make up wouldnt make any diff,
so i decided not to spend to much on tis stuff..

but as time comes..
my mindset has changed..
n thanks to someone's suggestion on treating myself better..
i've decided to make some slight changes..
hopefully...
it wouldnt turn out awfully as i try to change..