There comes a point in time when something you've always known existed, hits you.

and it hits you hard, real hard.

Someone asked me that day if I still thought about you. I told her I did. "Every single day." Every single crappy day. You think I asked for this? You think I want this? you've gone on with your life JUST fine. Everything about your life turned out exactly the way you wanted it to be. You got so many things that you've ever dreamed of or never dreamed of getting them . eventhough you've never admitted that in the past.

People try not to talk about you to me because they're afraid of the way I'll react. But I ask them, I probe them to tell me more. and they do. Then I regret asking because the answers turn out to be the opposite of what I wanted. No, actually, I regret asking because talking about you still hurts. It hurts because I used to be the person people asked about you. I don't know what kind of answers I'm looking for when I ask people about you. I thought I did, but evidently, I don't. I just want to know how you're doing. But more than anything in the world, I wish I could share this happiness with you, instead of having to be happy for you on the outside.

I don't feel like I've been replaced, oh no. I just feel like I've been cut off - too soon. Like this whole thing could've been avoided. I knew there would come a day that something like this would happen - us, not talking. But I didn't know it was going to happen... like... well, like that. I didn't know it would affect me this much.. and I didn't know it would affect me this long.

Sometimes, I wish that we were never friends in the first place. Then maybe it wouldn't have been this way. Maybe I didn't have to go through this and bear the pain. but then I think back on all the things we talked about and the stuff we've been through. I'm grateful you were in my life. Eventhough it was only just for awhile. this is the experience that has made me grow and know this world better. thank you for stopping by in my life. i truly appreciate it.